I always knew that my sexuality would bring me to a point in college where I felt I had to make a choice. It seems like I’ve heard the saying “stand in your truth,” one too many times this past year. I don’t believe I should have to choose, because what that communicates to me is subject to what everyone ELSE thinks is best for me. I’ve done that so many times it’s often automatic when I make choices in my day-to-day life. I say to myself “I wonder how this person is going to look at me because of this.” I know outside opinions shouldn’t matter, at the end of the day, but I still fail to take it into acknowledge that in real time.

Last summer I was challenged to stand in my truth and disclose who I am. In front of 5,000 students plus family and staff I outed myself, “I, Reggie G. Patterson, am Bisexual and proud.” I wasn’t really proud that I did it, in fact I’m not sure I am to this very day. However, I knew that this wasn’t just for me…it was for the thousands of Freshmen students who needed to experience my story and feel connected. My school has taught me that it’s not always about me, and that we all need someone to lean on. Blessed is an understatement for how I feel to be apart of this institution. There has been much work in supporting the LGBTQ community and a number of recent changes to create a safe space for everyone, especially LGBTQ students. With, a larger pride center, gender inclusive bathrooms, and school pride, there appears to be a system of support for our community.

Though that’s great, I couldn’t help but notice there are not many queer people of color who have a sense of community on campus. This worries me because I still feel marginalized so I expect they do too. The cultural groups on campus are under different guidelines as far as what’s to be supported and who should not. My time on this campus is coming to an end as of May 2016, but the least I can do is make sure that something changes. I didn’t know how important it was for someone like me to have support system for the life I live, and I’m quite sure the other QPOC student’s don’t all know it either.

“Growing up I never really had a lot of questions about my sexuality. It was never really a huge topic of discussion and I was never really comfortable having those kinds of conversations with my parents. I still liked women but I never tried to be with a man before. I’d had some sexual experiences with a friend before but it was nothing I’d ever really tried to understand or took seriously—oddly it just seemed a little normal.

It wasn’t until I met someone my freshman year of college that I stopped questioning myself and knew that I was bisexual. He was wonderful, and he made me happy. He told me at the time that he was bisexual. It wasn’t until after that conversation that I became comfortable with identifying as bisexual. My friends were very supportive for the most part, but they treated me like just another one of the gays. Though it felt nice to have friends who understood me to a degree, I felt invisible; I felt like my same-sex attraction made me be perceived as someone I wasn’t.

My family, more specifically my mom, wasn’t helpful to any degree. She’d always said things like “I’d still love you if you were gay.” At some point she even barked at me, “YOU GAY??” I answered her honestly, “No.” The guy I met would come over sometimes and we’d spend time together away from school. One day she asked me if he was gay. I told her, “No, he’s bisexual.” She looked at me—I was trying to focus my gaze elsewhere—“Are you bisexual?” I told her, “Yes.” Her immediate response was: Why would you do this to me? From that moment forward I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. She treated it like a taboo, like a sickness, or bad memory that you never wish to speak of. Any of my partners were my friends if they were male.

As the time went on I’d have to convince my straight friends that I was bisexual. My best friend since 6th grade even doubted my claim to my sexuality. My mother continued to say things like that’s nasty and you need to choose, pick one or the other. For a while I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know any other bisexual people, only gay people. I felt very alone in a crowd of people that were supposed to be supportive.

Looking back on it all, as I tell ‪#‎MyStoryOUTLoud, being bisexual was never a problem that I had to deal with. Everyone else made it a problem for themselves. I tell my story in hopes that others can do what I never had the courage to do for myself back then: stand up for who you are. Do not let others beat you down because they simply can’t understand. Live in your truth and with the love you have because it will take you farther than you realize.  Most importantly make sure that you turn that love inward before you try and turn it outward.‬‬‬”

Gerrard D., Graduate Student- American University