Coming out was never something that I thought I would do. Growing up in a homophobic and religious household, I had decided that I was going to come out when I moved out of my parent’s home, but fate decided otherwise. At age 15 I was “forced” to come out because my mother found a hickey on my neck after hanging out with one of my “friends” lol. That was one of the best yet scariest days of my life because although it felt like a huge weight was off my shoulders, another weight was added on because I knew my home was not affirming. 

Looking back, outing myself was one of the best things that I could have done. Although things were rough at first, my family eventually learned to love and accept me for myself. Through the years I have learned about my own sexuality and gender identity. Although it’s been a rollercoaster ride, it’s a ride that I love. Coming out is not something that just happens once. Not only do you come out to other people, but you also come out to yourself. Sexuality and gender is fluid and this is something that I’m still learning and accepting about myself every single day. 

No matter if you are out or not, give yourself time. Your experiences are valid. You do not have to be certain of everything that you are feeling right now. As a Black, queer, and non-binary woman who first came out as a lesbian, it takes time. Give yourself grace, time, and love. Happy national coming out day!“

Yours from afar, 

Khouri. 

as soon as i turned 14, i spent that entire year figuring stuff out. i knew that my mother was not going to be NOT accepting but i just didn’t know how to approach it. i had never said it out loud.

it was the summer before high school and i was like i need to come out because i’m not going to be closeted in high school, i wanna be myself.

i told my sister in march 2018 after we saw “love, simon.” i told my mother may 15, 2018.

that morning i woke up and was like “i’m gonna tell her today.” she was at work and i couldn’t wait until she got home. so i thought it was easier to tell her through text so she could read when she was alone. i remember her texting back, “i love you and are you ok?” that was because in middle school, i was teased a lot. my mother and i have always been close. she is even more protective now. 

when i got the steps of the school, i told my friends that i came out to my mother and started to cry. i felt free.

I’ve known I was gay since kindergarten, but back then, I didn’t know the language to be able to truly express how I felt, nor was the environment safe enough to do so. As time progressed, I eventually came out sophomore year of high school, but accidentally outed myself on Facebook thanks to a school project.

Fast forward to present day, as I became more comfortable with my gender expression, it lead many to question my gender identity, with most of new folks just assuming that I’m trans. They say you can have multiple coming outs, which is true, because that common misconception lead to my finally come out as gender non-conforming, and to this day I proudly go by both he & she pronouns.

Coming out is a continual process and I’ve come out as so many things since I was 12. While each coming out story had a different reaction from my friends and family, what has remained constant are the feelings of joy, relief, and peace that I felt as I began to live my life authentically and out loud!

In coming out, I’ve lost family, supports, and even homes but I’ve gained a greater sense of self, an amazingly welcoming community of folks with similar identities, and most of all, the ability to share my story unabridged.

‪”I am a proud black gay man. At age 16 I decided to embrace my sexuality. I let the world know I was a man who was attracted to other men; I chose to no longer hide or fight who I truly am.‬” — Darriyhan, Atlanta